As a Couples Therapist I am asked this question often. Deciding whether you’re ready for couples therapy involves evaluating your relationship and both party’s willingness to work through challenges. These are some signs to know it’s right:

Communication Issues – Do one or both of you struggle to express your feelings without arguing or shutting down? Are there unresolved conflicts that keep resurfacing?

Feeling Disconnected – Has the emotional or physical intimacy in your relationship declined? Do you feel like roommates rather than partners?

Recurring Problems – Are you stuck in repetitive or unhealthy patterns? Have individual efforts to fix these issues failed?

Big Life Changes or Stressors – Have recent events like moving, a new baby, job changes, etc. put a strain on your relationship?

Trust Issues – Has there been a betrayal? Are you struggling to build trust?

Desire to Improve – Are you both willing to put in effort to strengthen the relationship? Do you believe the relationship has potential for growth?

Mutual Commitment – Are both of you open to exploring therapy, even if one partner is more hesitant at first?

If you can relate to some of these, couples therapy could be beneficial. Even if you’re unsure, seeking therapy to explore concerns and set goals can be a proactive step.

If you are not ready for couples therapy, certain signs and attitudes might indicate that the process could be unproductive or even counterproductive at this time. Here are some factors that suggest you or your partner may not be ready:

Lack of Commitment to Change – If one or both partners are not genuinely willing to work on the relationship, therapy is unlikely to succeed. Going to therapy to appease the other partner or “check a box” will lead to frustration.

Blaming Without Accountability – If either partner is solely focused on blaming the other without reflecting on their own role in the relationship’s challenges, progress will be difficult.

Unwillingness to communicate Honestly – If one or both partners are unwilling to be vulnerable, open or honest, the therapist won’t have the full picture to be able to help.

Hidden Agendas – If therapy is being used as a way to justify leaving the relationship rather than to repair it, the process won’t be effective.

One Partner is Being Forced into Therapy – If one partner doesn’t want to attend or doesn’t believe in the process, the lack of engagement can hinder the process.

Ongoing Abuse – Therapy is not the right setting to address physical, emotional or verbal abuse. These situations require specialized interventions to ensure safety first.

Unresolved Individual Issues – If personal issues such as an ongoing affair, active addiction (sex, alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, etc.), untreated trauma or mental health conditions are dominating the relationship dynamics, individual therapy would be a better starting point.

Timing is Off – If external factors like intense work stress/deadlines, a traumatic event or other life circumstances will leave little energy to focus on therapy, it may be better to wait.

Desire for Separation – If one partner has already decided to leave the relationship and sees therapy as a formality, it will prevent any genuine engagement.

If any of these resonate for either of you, reflect on your own feelings and motives. Consider starting with individual therapy to explore your readiness and personal growth. Have an honest conversation with your partner about your hesitations.

Being ready for couples therapy requires mutual willingness and effort.