Anyone in need of couples counselling? The Gottman Method Explained
I use Gottman Method Couples Therapy in my work with couples. Many people have heard of it, but some still wonder what it is exactly, and whether it would be right for them.
Developed by world-renowned therapists, Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, the Gottman Method is a structured, goal-oriented, scientifically-based therapy that helps couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection, and intimacy in their relationships. Intervention strategies are based upon empirical data from Dr. Gottman's four decades of research with more than 3,000 couples. This research shows us what actually works to help couples achieve a long-term healthy relationship, and its methods are designed to help you and your spouse or partner:
Increase respect, affection, and closeness
Break through and resolve conflict when you feel stuck
Generate greater understanding between you and your partner
Keep conflict discussions calm
Maintain improvements in your relationship
The therapy consists of 3 sessions of assessment (the first one is joint and the subsequent two are individual) in addition to an in-depth online individual assessment through the Gottman Institute. You then come together with your therapist to discuss your treatment plan, which is customized to your particular strengths and areas that need work. You will typically meet on a bi-weekly basis for 90 minutes. This specialized therapy will take a minimum 6-month commitment. Most couples work with their therapist for a year and then come back for yearly check-ups. I would say the average is about 20 ninety-minute sessions. Yes, it sounds like this is a costly investment…an investment in your peace, happiness, and in being healthy parents for your children. In the grand scheme of things, this is certainly a lot less expensive than divorce. Gottman Method Therapy helps couples develop and strengthen the qualities of positive, healthy relationships that Dr. Gottman discovered in his 40+ years of research with couples.
Couples can attend sessions by way of video (teletherapy) or in-person. Using teletherapy allows the therapist to reach couples who otherwise would not be able to seek services. The modern-day convenience of video conferencing allows for couples to maintain continuity of sessions despite the stress of conflicting work schedules, childcare, and traffic. But it’s important to note, couples opting for teletherapy are expected to be in the same room together on the same screen. Teletherapy is NOT appropriate for everyone, which is why the therapist conducts a thorough assessment of all couples in the first 2-3 sessions, and will determine if teletherapy is the best fit for them.
The Gottman Method is a very hands-on and directive method. You can expect the therapist to do some talking, but the goal is for you to talk more to your partner than to the therapist. The therapist will aim to teach within each session and leave you with learning objectives to practice between sessions. The Gottman’s believe that you came to therapy to shake-up your current relationship dance. You will be called out on your ‘stuff’ but always with love, care, and respect.
Finally, I’m sure you are wondering if the therapist is going to tell you to get a divorce. No, but they may think it. They are committed to your overall health and wellness as well as that of the children you may have in your life. If your goal is to transform your relationship for the better, Gottman Method will help you do that. If your goal is to split on good terms and with a friendship still intact, Gottman Method will help you do that. You identify where you want to go, and the therapist will guide you to the destination. One of the most discouraging parts of couples therapy is the amount of time couples wait before seeking help. On average, couples wait six years before seeking counsel. By then, much damage has been done. If you think Gottman Couples Therapy may be right for you, please reach out to a qualified therapist that has a minimum of Level 2 Training. The Covid-19 pandemic has either brought couples closer together or pulled them to a breaking point. Don’t wait for 6 years to do something about it.
